So anyway. Valentine’s Day – that’s a bummer for single people – maybe you could use Twitter to find your next date? Since you’re probably on Twitter all day, you won’t meet people in the real world so you might as well stalk people you fancy engage in conversation with “people who inspire you in the gender you’re looking to go in to” as it were.

How I might do it and how you might too

Speaking as someone who’s experience in this field spans absolutely nada, here are my top 10 tips.

1. Sign up to twitter.com – no brainer really, but have a good name… for girls, use something suggestive but not slutty. If your full name is naturally close to a porn name, like say.. Jaz Cummins for instance, use that. For boys, include your last name – according to my sources “girls want surnames so they can imagine marrying you.”

2. Write a bio – but make sure you lie a bit, and don’t give too much away. What’s more important is have a sexy avatar. Fortunately twitter pics are about 70×70 pix so you can be pretty ming an get away with looking half-way decent.

3. Right, who do you fancy? – Start following them. This is normal, they won’t get freaked out until you start sending DMs (more on this later). Seriously, there is some decent talent on twitter – you can check out TwitorFit as a starting point.

4. You don’t have to blog – but a link to a facebook page would be nice… that way you can make the transition from the geeky social platform to one more acceptable. Saying you met via mutual facebook friends will make you feel much less of a loser.

5. Be yourself. Be true. Be genuine. But for goodness sake don’t be over emotional, or talk about ex-partners, or how many people you’ve slept with, or your period… no need to be that transparent.

6. Bring something to the table – preferably a hot avatar, or some stylish background. I’ve gone for a damask look which I think works pretty well.

7. Help people out. Or… mock them in a matey banter way. Everyone’s trying to be nice on twitter, so stand out by being a bit acerbic sometimes. Keeps your potential victims love interests on their toes as well.

8. If someone you fancy follows you, send them a DM – you can flirt easily over DM… this is very hard to do using @ replies, since you have to walk the line between flirting with one person and putting off other potentials.

9. Get dating alerts. There aren’t many, and they’re pretty rubbish, but follow @londonsingles and @thinkmarriage. They might be useful, but on current form, don’t hold your breath.

10. Finally, put appropriate pegs in appropriate holes. This is most easily done at “tweetups” like @twestival or @shoreditchtwit where you can meet people in real life. Having said that, I think I’m on camera (courtesy of @hermioneway) quoted as saying I started Shoreditch Twit to meet hot girls… oops.

So, let me know how you get on. Thanks to @kalbonner @brideyrae and @catherinegee for some tip suggestions.